2020-07-13 — Endurance

We walk the road, however imperfectly our gait,

however low our head might hang,

though our feet drag the pebbles along,

still… we continue on.

Hey, folks, I think the poison ivy finally turned the corner today. I don’t think I noticed any new outbreaks anywhere, at least that I can recall. Now that it’s sort of finished it’s run, it’s pretty impressive to see where all I managed slather it on me–my goodness!– from low to high altitudes to all the nether regions, I’ve been geographically quite indiscriminate in the joys of spreading the wealth. I’d share pictures, but… yeah.

Still, I’m finally on the mend. My face, which had been a very swollen, oozing mess, morphed into a drying cracking, scaly mess, with my face basically glued in one position (attempts to open my mouth more than about straw width leading to splits in the skin and whatnot). I’m still a little bit in that condition, but I’ve been scraping away the scales as I can without exposing too much raw skin, and a times, I’m adding lotion to help soften everything up. Been pealing pretty good in places…

I’ve definitely gotten in the habit of not going out to work on cars. I can’t say I miss it. I’ve been ready to retire from the car mechanic world for quite a while now, and I’m currently fine with the rather significant decrease in income. Money shmoney.

There are things in my life that are so much more important than money that I want to spend my time on that it’s not even a second thought for me right now. I should express gratitude here… I’m blessed and very lucky to be in such a situation, where I can take so much time off for health and personal reasons and be carefree. Such a blessing.

Well, as I’m sure you’ve gathered, that challenging experience that began well over a week ago and that I thought might wrap up last week has continued and may be around for a while longer, actually. Surprise surprise! I’m not going to give you a play by play each night. It’s enough of an emotional roller coaster for those of us over here. I don’t want to pass it along too much for all of you.

I’ll let you know when it’s reached a recognizable conclusion, though. For the moment, onward we march, through ups and downs, joys and pains, hopes and fears. The road is open before us, but the destinations still unknown.

Over the course of the last few days, there have been some powerful experiences that, believe it or not, have rekindled the faith in what I once believed but had chosen to walk away from. Many of my most powerful spiritual experiences that I questioned that led to my walking away have been confirmed in these past few days–confirmed by sources outside of myself and my own experiences. It’s been rather powerful.

I’m still a hesitant child, reaching out the hand to pet the dog, afraid it might bite, but my trust is returning, little by little. Today, I let myself fear quite a bit, revert to struggling belief, revert to pain and wallowing, and then… in a moment, new light came pouring in.

Part of me wants to write a second journal entry, out of fear that posts related to my returning to my faith might turn off some. Part of me wants to include everything here because it’s my truth, and it’s real and authentic to me personally, and that’s what this whole thing is supposed to be about–not being ashamed for who I am, what I believe, or what I struggle with.

#1. I’m grateful for a light in dark places.

#2. I’m grateful for hope bursting forth where despair only recently resided.

#3. I’m grateful for love–true, selfless, no strings attached, pure love.

#4. I’m grateful to be getting done with my journal entry before midnight and to potentially be looking at a decent night’s sleep.

#5. I’m grateful to my dear friend for having the courage to go through some of the most painful experiences one can be asked to go through, and to do so willingly.

Folks, what an amazing life. Earlier today, I wrote to my mother that I hated life, was tired of it. Here, not 10 hours later, I’m once again at a relative peace, watching miracles unfold before my eyes.

Thanks, for your love and concern for me. Thanks, for reading. Let us…

Lift the World.

~ stephen