2020-07-28 — Massive Epiphany

Can chiggers live in your bed? Is that even a thing?

I mean, either I’ve been managing to snag a chigger each of the last several days before going to bed, or I’ve got chiggers in my bed. I’ve been waking up each morning the last few/handful of days lately with lovely little chigger bites on the nice soft skin of my upper legs, and some on my arms, too, I think.

Punks.

Absolute punks. Not fair to get bitten by things you can’t see. Nope. Not fair at all. 🙃

(cosmic universe to Stephen… “Life isn’t fair” …right. Okay. Moving on.)

So, guess what? I had an absolutely massive epiphany today that was… so simple it’s kind of silly, but… here it is: I can be happy pretty much all the time by simply shutting down the negative emotions of whatever kind that come into mind.

Yeah, thanks, I know… captain obvious here, a little slow on the uptake, but it was huge for me. I’m someone who is hyper aware of what I’m thinking and feeling all the time. I recognize the shifts in thoughts and feelings, what triggers what, etc. I would think it would be very rarely that my emotions catch me off guard–that I find myself feeling a given way with having realized, as it was happening, what was happening, and how I got there. I’m just completely plugged in to my thoughts and feelings… pretty much all the time.

But today, thanks to that painful but poignant statement my friend said a week or so ago (“Then stop being afraid.”), I’ve been thinking about what it takes to effectively kick thoughts and emotions to the curb. I had been thinking about it only in relation to fear, but now I’m thinking about it in relation to all negative emotions.

I’m not talking about stuffing the emotions down, burying them, only to have them come exploding back later: I’m talking about quickly processing through them by zooming out, looking at the bigger picture and whatever other things will help bring the perspective that allows for peace and happiness, and then letting the negative thought/feeling float away.

I worked at it a good bit today, and I had one of the happiest days I’ve had in a while, and that in the midst of what would normally be an extremely challenging time for me.

It was phenomenal.

I honestly feel like I can make this my new normal. I mean, sure I’m gonna have days where I crash and burn, but per my mother’s analogy, I can turn this into my general climate, even if my weather on a given day doesn’t quite seem to fit.

I’m excited!

Fear? Quickly talk my way through it, and let the fear float away.

Annoyance? Quickly talk my way through it, and let it float away.

Frustration/anger? Quickly talk my way through it, and let it float away.

Sadness (not that this is a bad emotion at all. It can be a beautiful one, in my opinion, but it can also be talked through and let go to float away like the others).

I practiced today with annoyance, fear, and I think frustration, and it was marvelous! This is going to be a daily staple mental exercise of mine that I’m going to turn into an automatic habit, and it’s going to be incredible!

What else? Uh… I continued to make progress today on my keeping my surroundings clean. I cleaned my shower (which had massive amounts of dirty, oily Stephen residue all over it). I cleaned the Kitchen table off a bit. I cleaned my work truck a little bit. I did some more laundry. I cleaned up the entry way through the garage a little bit… I’m just… making progress. Brushed my teeth again (been using one of those electric toothbrushes lately. Never liked them, but I have to admit, my teeth feel a lot cleaner with that than with my regular manual toothbrush.

More! I actually exercised a little bit. I didn’t go running, but I did rake rocks up in the woods at a steady enough pace to lose my breath a bit. I didn’t do it very long, just around 15 minutes or so, but I added about 30 feet of mowable trail through the woods in the effort, and I got a tad bit of exercise.

One thing I’m trying to figure out… I’m in the car all the time and communicating with people all the time. I’m not sure how to stop using my phone while I’m driving. Calls, looking stuff up, texting… yep, I’m guilty through and through to the enth degree. Sometimes, it’s very unsafe. To date, I’ve not had any issues, but… that’s just luck probably. I’ve got to figure out how to communicate while I’m driving, as it’s a death sentence to my business if I can’t. Most of my business communication is done by text. It’s just easier and quicker. I have so many people to communicate with. I have canned, pre-written messages that save tons of time, etc. But… I want to be safe, and I want to obey the law. I’m not sure what to do there yet. If any of you have any ideas, I’m open to hearing them. Thx. 😊

So… that’s a decent summary of the positive growth and learning that’s been taking place today. I’m sure I’m probably missing something, but there you go.

Other than that, the summary of the day. We did 11 cars today. I did 5 and David 6. I’m proud of myself for doing 5 cars today. Would have been six were it not for a miscommunication and one car causing a little grief. Good day though!

I got some decent morning prayer and study in, and when I came home from work, I did my exercise working on building our walking trails through the woods, I showered, ate dinner, did laundry and the other things I mentioned, and now here I am, and guess what?!?! It’s 11:06 p.m., and I’m actually ready to go to bed! I’ve got my alarm set for 6:30 tomorrow, an hour earlier than normal, which will hopefully give me time to have a better morning meditation time before work explodes on me about 7:30. I’ll even maybe get morning exercise in.

Folks, we’re making progress over here, and it’s feeling good. It’s both small and huge at the same time, for me, anyway. Good stuff. Lots of good stuff happening.

#1. I’m grateful to have been able to get so many cars done and to still be home in time for doing other things. I think I got home maybe around 7 ish? It was good. Very good.

#2. I’m grateful that I was able to get the O2 sensor of the truck today and do a freebie of helping the gentleman figure out his misfire when he was still having problems after having me do what he wanted me to do.

#3. I’m grateful that I was able to find a bolt for the alternator job I had this afternoon as my first job. I had to go to three different parts stores to find a bolt, but I found one, and that was good. (one of the two main retaining bolts was sheared off).

#4. I’m grateful that I had some jobs that were just super quickies. That helped speed things up. I had two that took me all of like 15 minutes each, and then one that was probably 20-30 minutes, one that was probably an hour or so, and then one that took probably 2 1/2 hours (trying to find the bolt).

#5. I’m grateful to people who bring me water, which helps to hydrate me.

#6. Oh! I also did good in another way regarding my health! I took the time to stop off at the store and buy a whole bunch of breakfast-type bars. With a day as busy as mine was today, normally, I wouldn’t stop off, I’d just grit through it, but I stopped off. Gold star for me. 😎

As far as the things to do better list, wow, I’m three days in a row of feeling like I had some really good days, like I made good decisions, made lots of progress, etc. The main thing I’m thinking of right now is that I still need to get to bed an hour earlier than I am right now… 10:30, and I need to figure out the texting/driving thing… but… I’m pleased.

Progress.

Thanks, for all your support and comments and whatnot. Life is moving forward. I’m still a little lost in terms of what I want to do. Lift the world, of course, but exactly how, I’m not sure… things have radically changed or me over the last four weeks, and I’m… feeling my way. What I still know for certain is that I want to become the best person I can be, and I want to lift the world. And with that. I bid you good evening. Loves and hugs to all.

Lift the world.

~ stephen