2020-07-31 — Staying Hungry

Hola, mon peeps,

Hope y’all are having a wonderful day today. I hope you’ve enjoyed the sunshine or clouds or rain or whatever has been wherever you are. Over here in Wal-Mart Land, we’ve traded places with the pacific northwest, at least for a day, having a sort of misty light rain for huge portions of the day (just about all day).

That’s another kind of rain that I absolutely love.

Who am I kidding? I just love rain. Whatever kind of rain. Cold rain isn’t as fun to be out in, but I still love the rain, pretty much however it comes.

Anyway, it’s been another good day (of course). I was positive and upbeat for a good chunk of the day. I think I also just sort of coasted through a lot of the day as well. I feel like I’m sort of still in the preparation phase of getting out there and really working on increasing my faith and overcoming my fears. I’ve go posts I’m writing, lists to make, studying to do, etc.

Some of it can be a little tedious. I sort of just want to dive right in, but I want to make sure that I’m prepared to dive in, with a decent foundation of what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, how I’m going to do it, and what my expectations of myself are.

And, of course, there’s still life that has to be lived in the intermediary. A body to feed, surroundings to keep clean, to-do list items to go through, a business to be run, etc.

With everything else that needs to be done, I feel like my progress these last couple days is slower than I want it to be. I was rearing to go, but then reality sets in a little bit as life descends into the abstract paradise, and I have to come to earth for a bit and get my bearings and see what’s realistic.

So… that said, I still did make some decent progress today, even if it was more administrative and not so much in the heart. I created The Daily, something I’ve used many times in my life to help me be more productive and on top of things. I’ve never really stopped having my little checklist, I just haven’t done well at following it for the last several months. I’m up and down with it.

But… now it’s public, like the rest of this blog, and though my readership appears to be declining substantially, for whatever reason, there are still some of you out there reading, so I’m gonna lean on you to help keep me accountable when on my own, I’d be much more likely to be weak.

In addition to The Daily, I also churned out a little thought piece: Four Sources of Fear. It’s mostly sort of just a presentation of ideas and not really a plan of any kind, just thoughts/information. I hope it’s insightful, enlightening in some way to you. I’m going to be using it to help me make my action plans as I go forward in my effort to completely overcome fear in my life.

Well… let’s see… other than that, it’s been sort of a coasting day? I mean, my posts are good progress. I ran my business successfully. I got the front door partially repaired. I got the alternator pulled out of my GMC Sierra (it’s bad and needs to be replaced). I might have a buyer for my GMC Terrain. I moved three of my vehicles, so I can mow the crazy tall grass that harbors my wonderful chigger friends. I did my 4X5 maintenance…

I mean, it was a good day. I just… for some reason don’t feel like much was accomplished? Maybe I’m just so used to feeling like I’m making big steps that incremental progress feels… boring? Slow?

That’s probably most likely, I’d guess, as I’ve made good, solid, steady progress today. Just not spectacular. Faced a fear this morning, overcame it, wrote my posts, got most of my dailies accomplished. Have chosen faith in the future. Have been able to support those who are struggling.

Good day.

#1. I’m grateful that I was able to stay home again today, getting other things done that were on my to-do list.

#2. I’m grateful that I have been able to choose faith over fear as my default, starting Sunday, I think… maybe Monday. That’s been huge, especially given the journey I’m on right now.

#3. I’m grateful for to have a possible buyer for my Terrain. Hopefully, it sells. That would be really nice to have that cash freed up.

#4. I’m grateful to be making progress, even if it feels a little slower today than it has. I think another reason it felt a little slower today was that today was… easy? I mean I could have been afraid a lot, but it’s been fairly easy to not be, which has been a pretty happy surprise, and I’m grateful for it.

#5. I’m grateful for the rain. We’ve not had much this summer, and the poor plants have needed it.

#6. I’m grateful that though I’m not very happy that my health insurance costs are going up by 60% next month, I’m not letting it canker me. It is what it is. I’ll roll with it, or I’ll find someone other provider. ‘Tis what it ’tis.

To do better…

#1. I was torn between finishing my 4 Sources of Fear post and doing my scheduling, and I chose the 4 Sources of Fear post because I wanted to get it finished tonight. I’m happy it’s finished, but it put me behind tonight, which means I’m getting to bed late, still haven’t finished scheduling for tomorrow, and… yeah… There you go. I’m making things a little harder on myself because I wasn’t patient.

#2. I did well today at cleaning up after myself as I made messes, but I could feel the pull to be lazy and leave the mess. I want to work on that so that I don’t feel the pull to be lazy and leave the mess. My 4X5 strategy only really works if you’re cleaning up your messes regularly as you make them.

Well, folks. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m going to work on staying hungry. I don’t want to slacken my efforts. I know those days come. And I don’t want to let the coming down to earth from highs drag me down below the steady progress that is the norm, by choosing to be unsatisfied by anything less than continuous monumental insight and progress (monumental from my perspective for myself).

I’m gonna go eat a tad, brush my teeth, and mosey off to bed.

Loves and hugs to all of you.

Lift the World.

~ stephen