2020-08-09 — What a Difference a Day Can Make

Hiya, folks!

What a difference a day can make! I went to bed feeling awful, and honestly, I didn’t wake up feeling very good either. Still pretty crappy in terms of how I felt about where I was at personally, but I had a great conversation with one of my best friends from Utah, and she was able to help me through it all.

So good.

So… I went from feeling super awful to having a really good day today. It was rough in the morning for a little while, but it turned brighter and brighter and brighter. And right now, I’m just plain happy, so that’s–wonderful.

Anyway, so… the day… slept in a bit. I think I got up at 8 something? Still probably not enough sleep, but… I slept until I woke up. I was going to take a nap but ended up not, which might be a good thing. I need to get to the DMV early tomorrow so I don’t have to wait in the massive line that you’re stuck with if you don’t there way before it opens.

I keep forgetting to go. I need to remember in the morning when I wake up… so… hmmm… what to do to remind myself… That’s on the top of my priority list for tomorrow (at least my To-Do list priority list. There are other much more important things).

What else… uh… had lunch with Liz and family. Good to see all them. Did Church with them later. Had a good conversation with another friend from Utah about our little challenges. I’ve fallen off the wagon a good bit this week because I’m terrible at getting to bed on time, and that really messes me up. I should be in bed by 11 tonight, so I’ll probably try for 6:00 a.m. as my wakeup tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes!

I shaved my goatee today. Haven’t been facial-hair free for like… two years, so it’s a little… different. But… it’s good. 😊

#1. I’m grateful that, miraculously, I was able to turn around what probably should have been crashing of my physical body today. It was put in a ton of stress yesterday, up to long, not enough liquids, not enough food, and I woke up with a headache and over the edge, but somehow… somehow I was able to make it back to the edge and even get on pretty solid ground. I can tell I’m not 100% out of the woods, and I’ll need to be super careful tomorrow, especially since it’s going to be hot tomorrow, but I’m okay right now.

What happened yesterday, though, can keep me on the edge for days, so if I’m not careful, I could go right back over in a hurry, and then I’d likely be down for a couple days trying to recover. So… I’m gonna stay vigilant, as best I can. I promised I friend I’d take care of myself, and I’m doing better, overall, I think.

#2. I’m grateful, as usual, for Liz’s grand piano. Love being able to play when I go up there. Wish I had more songs to play, so they didn’t have to hear the same ones over and over, but… I guess if you only hear them once a week, it’s probably not as bad as it is for me playing over and over and over. 🙃

#3. I’m grateful for different foods in my fridge. I bought a bunch of rabbit food of the fruit variety. It makes it easier to come back from the edge. Apples (not the technological kind), I ate a whole pineapple today, chicken fried steak at Liz’s, peanut butter and jelly burritos here, at least two double protein shakes… I’m gonna eat a banana before bed, I think, and dink some water to hopefully help. Oh, bought string cheeses again.

#4. I’m grateful to have two laptops, so I can have one perpetually hooked up to my midi keyboard, making it much easier to feel like I have an instrument and not a keyboard that has to be hooked up to a bunch of things to even start working.

#5. I’m grateful that I get to go to sleep right now.

#6. Oh! I’m grateful that I faced my fear today of singing to people–twice. I sang a brief little line to a friend. It was nothing really, but it was still a bit nerve racking, and whenever I’m at “church” Liz asks me to sing loudly because she says I’m the only one who can sing well. That’s nice of her. It’s a little nerve racking for me, but I did try to sing a little louder for her.

To be better…

#1. I was a little slower to clean up after myself today. I think there might be a few things that I left out on the kitchen table. Overall, though, I’ve done so much better. It’s amazing how clean things get and how quickly things change for the better when I just pick up after myself and then spend that extra five minutes in my 4×5 stuff. I spent some time going through our laundry room stuff… we have a bunch of things that have been there so long the dust layer on top resembles the dry lint catching tray after a load has been dried. 🙃 I love thinning things out, getting rid of things that take up space that aren’t being used. I get stuffocated when there are too many things around me.

#2. I need to be better at having a real meditation session and not a quasi one. It really does make a huge difference when it’s unhurried and it’s focused. Can’t hurry meditation. That’s… the antithesis.

Okay, I’m off to bed, my lovelies. I’m trying to get myself focused again on self improvement stuff. Staying accountable. For any who are curious, we’re now past four months since I’ve bought junk food. We’re past four full months free of porn junk. We’re approaching 5 1/2 months of journal writing.

Exercise… ugh. Not going well. And obviously my 6 a.m. wake-up time is… well… it’s only happened once. But! I believe in me. I’ll get there! And just the little 4×5… Just doing that is sooooooo motivating. Seeing a real difference around me for the better. It’s so motivating for other areas of my life, too.

Loves and hugs to all of you.

~ stephen