2020-09-18 — Afraid to Write Today’s Post

Hiya, folks, To be honest, I don’t want to write a post today. I’m acutely aware of my up and down, yo-yo emotional roller coaster of highs and lows over the last few months, and I’m afraid I look like I’m bipolar, and some part of me is afraid that people would look down on me as lesser if I were; and I can’t really share why things are so up and down for me other than to say that I’m going through one of the hardest experiences of my life right now, and I have some beautiful experiences and some devastating ones as I work through. Today saw some of the latter, and it’s been extremely hard. I’m really low right now. I’ve felt like God has given me some direction that was important for me to receive, but even that’s been hard. So… yeah… I’m struggling right now, and I feel weak and discouraged and a little despairing. I’m gonna do my gratitude stuff and call it a night. #1. I’m grateful for the insight I felt like God gave me this morning. #2. My first customers got arrested when I was just finishing up the repair they asked me to do, so they didn’t pay me, and… I’m grateful that I didn’t let it bother me really at all. I just rolled with it and went on with my day. That was nice. Progress. #3. I’m grateful that despite the fact that I’ve been close to the edge physically, I haven’t gone over. I bought a bunch of sports drinks today while I was out, and that helped me stave off a crash, I think. #4. I’m grateful to have enough work for David. I was scrambling around this morning because I hadn’t prepared like I needed to for today, and so I wasn’t organized, and things were just… falling apart everywhere. Fortunately, I think I salvaged the day for him while mine was a disaster in so many ways. #5. I know I beat a dead horse, but I’m grateful for the cool weather. G’night folks. Lift the World. ~ stephen