2020-11-08 — On the Verge

Every time I think about the idea of leaving my work as a mechanic and diving into the nonprofit arena doing peace work, and spending all of my time bringing people together in love and compassion, and encouraging and inspiring people to become the best that they can be, and helping people who are struggling in any and all areas of life, I get excited.

Then I think about leaving what I’ve worked so hard to build up, a business that is small but successful and more than meets my personal needs as well as the needs of my family (at whatever point I’m blessed with the latter)? In thinking about leaving that, I allow myself to fear a little bit. I don’t want to lose the security. I haven’t yet gotten to financial independence, where my passive income can take care of me and my family. One could argue that I’m far from getting to that point, but one could also argue that I’m close, and why jump ship from this business even I’m so close?

But then I think about the fact that I only have one life to live here on Earth. Just one.

How do I want to spend it?

I’m on the verge of letting go of this business or of making a very hard push to have somebody else run it.

On the verge.

I need to do some pondering and some chatting with Mr. Big Shot on the things I want most and what I think is going to be best to get me there. Once I’ve done that, I will be all in on whatever direction things point.

Bring it on.

In other news, I’ve walked almost 18,000 steps for the day, and will have by the time I fall into bed tonight. I’ve got 5 days in a row now with over 10,000 steps. Another day clean and sober with my various addictions/struggles. Good day memorizing today. I’m starting to get back to the scriptures that I only practiced for a relatively short time before I quit memorizing, so they are not as well ingrained in my little brain, so it’s going to take more work to get those back than it has thus far with the others. It’s nice to make progress, though, and I am making good progress.

Done a lot of wandering and pondering today. I cleaned off the deck that overhangs the creek today. Hasn’t been cleaned off in quite a while so it looks pretty nice now to have it cleaned off. Probably should be power washed and restained or repainted. That would look beautiful. Such a wonderful little place. Such a wonderful little deck to overhang the creek.

Church at Liz’s, couple of bean smoothies. Played the piano for a little bit. Got my acoustic guitar out for the first time in a long long long time.

#1. I’m grateful that it’s warm enough that all the rose bushes are still in bloom. There are so many roses! Maybe a hundred in bloom right now?

#2. I’m grateful for the beautiful night sky. To be able to see so many stars. So beautiful.

#3. I’m grateful to figure out the little things. Like I finally realized that I can set the number line on my text message keyboard to always be there. Yeah, I’m a little late to the party on that one. 🙃

#4. I’m grateful that I was able to get up this morning at my 4:55 time. I didn’t feel like I slept very much because I guess I had three distinct dreams, at least two of them nightmares, I think. It was like I went to bed and woke up without getting much sleep except it was morning already, but I think the dreams made it feel like I’ve been awake. Perhaps that’s what it will feel like if I get the opportunity to learn and grow from my dreams.

#5. I’m grateful that though I’m going to be a little bit late tonight to bed, it’s currently 9:00, I’m grateful that I’m relatively on time and should be able to get a good night’s sleep and stay on track for my regular routine.

Feel free to send positive thoughts and/or prayers my way as I try to navigate what could be a significant change in my life in the very near future. Lots and lots and lots to contemplate over here.

Many thanks. 🙂

Loves and hugs.

Lift the World.

~ stephen

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