2020-12-01 — Trying Not to Let the End Taint the Day

Hey, folks. It’s been a pretty decent day on most accounts, but the last 20 minutes has been super discouraging, and that happens to be where I’m at as I’m here writing my journal right now now. 😕

It’s 10:37. I just came in from chopping wood for the night because we’d used up just about all the wood and need some for the morning. I also just took out the last four stitches, and wouldn’t you know it, but I slipped just wrong chopping the wood, and guess what split back open again?

Yeah.

Really discouraging. It’s not split all the way open as before, but it’s split pretty deeply, and I can see where it could split the rest of the way in a split second. I don’t know what to do at this point. Can’t re-stitch it. More waiting and waiting and waiting.

Feels like the story of my life… everything takes longer than it should, and I just get to practice waiting and waiting and waiting.

A little melodramatic, I know, but… yeah. I’m pretty discouraged right now. Really discouraged, actually. I was overlooking an otherwise crappy day because three really important things happened that were really good, but now it’s hard to see through the discouragement of the moment.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to best let this heal. It’s been 13 days, and it’s not even healed enough to not split right back open? I mean, good grief. Now it’s gonna be another two weeks or more, probably.

Sorry… this just barely happened. I’m already way late for bed. It’s been a really crappy day on the work front, and I’m just… ugh. I’d done so well today just looking at all the positives and shrugging my shoulders at all the negative, but this one hit hard, and now all the rest is coming in swinging.

Guess I’d better just do my gratitude and go to bed.

#1 I’m grateful that I had the means to just pay David for a full day today when that meant that I didn’t really make almost anything today. I think I made all of like $60. Rough day, but at least his family is being taken care of, and since I’m single, and have no family, best that he gets it.

#2. I’m grateful that I was able to have a good, meaningful conversation with my friend Cory today. I’m grateful that he’s facing the challenges he’s facing the way he is. It’s a good example to me.

#3. I’m grateful that I was able to have a beautiful conversation with my friend Brittani today as well. Good stuff. Nice to spend time chatting with two of my closest friends today.

#4. Guess what?!?! Allison got her EpiPen today!!! The doctor called in the prescription again–twice. But they screwed it up again, both times, and I talked to the pharmacist, and they sent a fax to the doctor, and I called the doctor again, and they finally got it straightened out and ordered correctly. Then, I was able to find a coupon for Allison that got the cost of the EpiPen down to $127!!! Wahoo! With that and some other good things that happened, she is now home tonight with two EpiPens of the correct dose that might well save her life. I hope so. We’re only at the beginning of the journey for her, but it’s a beginning. Hopefully she’s prepared for emergencies now, and next up is finding out how to prevent emergencies.

#5. I’m grateful that food is so cheap here. 6 pineapples, something like 7 pounds of grapes, 10 avacados, 4 lbs of cheese, a bag of apples, a bag of cuties, several lbs of bananas… and maybe more things I’m forgetting–all for $38.66. Wow.

Well, folks, the discouragement is subsiding a bit. I’m still a little discouraged, but… bring it on. I want to learn to go through rough stuff gracefully, so… here we be. I’m at least smiling now, so there’s progress for the moment, at least. A bit of a downer to end the day on, but overall, the really important things happened today, and that’s what’s most important.

Loves and hugs to all y’all.

Lift the World.

~ stephen