2020-12-08 —

Hey, folks,

It’s been quite the day today. I woke up at 4 something this morning with my brain going 90 miles an hour. Not really anything positive. Fears. Pain (emotional). All sorts of stuff. I tried to go back to sleep. I dozed here and there. It was rough.

When I finally woke up for good, I was in a really rough place, and it took hours to get out of it. I don’t do well with a million things going on at once, a million pressures all pressing down at once. I tend to shut down. But then, of course, I can’t shut down because I have people who depend on me and so much that needs to be done.

So, I struggled, but quasi functioned. I prayed for help, and I started feeling a bit better after the prayer. I spent a good chunk of the day texting my friend Brittani, and in the end, that helped to pull me out a good bit as well.

I want to slow down. I want to get to more thoughtful posts, instead of just the daily narratives. Slow down. Slow down.

Sloooooooooooow doooooooooown.

#1. I’m grateful to be feeling better than I was.

#2. I’m grateful to not be as afraid about my finger. I got x-rays today. Don’t have the results, but I’m feeling a little more at peace. My finger is still pretty messed up, but I’ve been working it periodically all day, hoping to increase the range of motion. I feel like I’ve made some progress? I hope. There were a couple times where I moved it the whole range without any pain at all, which was super weird, but it was nice. It was hopeful. Otherwise, before and after, it’s been pretty painful. Not sure what those two aberrations were about, but I’m hopeful they’re more like what’s coming.

#3. I’m grateful for Cory and Brittani, for their efforts in helping me to overcome my tough days in this bring-it-on lifestyle I’m endeavoring to live, albeit quite weakly at times.

#4. I’m grateful to be almost on time. It’s 8:54. I want to stay up later, but I’m not going to. I’m going to get a good long drink, because I’ve been on edge for a couple days, not drinking nearly enough. But then I’m going to bed.

#5. I’m grateful, still, for the ex-porn star interview videos that I’m watching that are being a blessing to me in my efforts to overcome the addiction and to turn my life completely over to love. Those videos were a blessing today as my mind wanted to go one way, and those videos came to mind.

Thought of the Day: “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” — Henry David Thoreau

Lift the World.

~ stephen