2021-05-18 — X2

Might seem a little silly, especially since this once was my norm, but I’m excited to report:

Two days in a row! 4:25 a.m. 🥳

I’ve been struggling so much for so long with what feels like should be simple little exercises of self discipline, and honestly, I don’t know where the strength is coming from to do what I’m doing right now–to push off the exhaustion, to do my dailies, to let go of having to say yes to everyone with work, to lighten my work days significantly.

Maybe I do know: I managed to finally get myself to do at least a couple of my dailies at least a couple days in a row, and… boom… here I am.

So maybe I give God the credit.

Thanks, Pops.

And speaking of lighter days. I didn’t do any cars yesterday, and I only did one today (a no-start diagnosis that turned out to be just a battery). Wish every day could be 6 of those. That would be lovely.

Anyway, nice 90-year-old Korean War vet. Had a great conversation. He was a zoology professor at LSU. Fun fun. He was really grateful. I let him pay with a check. 😬 Hopefully, it doesn’t bounce.

Other than that, let’s see…. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night, so I got up at 4:25, but I went down at 7. Unfortunately, though I was super tired, I didn’t sleep very well. It was super light dozing, tossing and turning for like three hours (About 7-10).

I made a tiny bit of progress on the skid steer (cleaning the zerks that were clogged). I moved the trailer out of the lower pasture and up to the carriage barn. I got the fuel out of the Durango as well as some parts I need to return ASAP. I got my state sales taxes for the month of April submitted.

Bunch of little things, but it feels like some progress, at least.

I spent most of the day chatting with a friend about things that were really important to me. Good stuff. Making progress with those things, too.

I think I mentioned the other day that I forgot how to have fun. It’s been years like that. I think I have a related issue. I’ve forgotten how to have a light heart. It’s always weighed down. The events of the last handful of years has left me a shell of who I used to be. I mean, I’m still in there, but it’s gonna take a good bit to dig down to my lighthearted, fun-loving self. I can see him in my mind’s eye, but he’s stuck under some weight he can’t get off of him.

So…. I’m working on that. I want to be like I used to be. Not so worried about the future. Able to just drop stuff and go play. Go on adventures. Be spontaneous. I…. that part of me is buried under weights I haven’t been able to pull off of him yet.

But… little by little. We’re gonna get there. 🙂

Today is progress. Tomorrow will be progress.

#1. I’m grateful to be two day’s in a row. I’m still struggling to get to bed at the hour I want to, but I’m getting up, and that’s the first habit I want to get down. I’m doing nearly all of my morning dailies, and that’s…. amazing for me in so many ways.

#2. I’m grateful that my conversations with Mr. Awesome have gotten really good lately. It feels really nice.

#3. I’m grateful to be feeling the Spirit more lately.

#4. I’m grateful that I’m increasing in my trust that some answers to prayers can come now and don’t require this herculean effort to “qualify” for. It’s been nice to get answers immediately with just a simple request.

#5. I’m grateful to be able to lift other people. I think the old gentleman enjoyed the conversation we had. I think it lifted him. 🙂

My love to all y’all. 🙂

Lift the World.

~ stephen