Today hit hard, but I’m still kicking. π
I spent a good chunk of the day actively trying to hush my fears and focus on positive, uplifting things through this whole experience I’m going through right now. I did decently well. I mean… it was super hard, and I certainly struggled a good bit, but honestly, I worked hard and tried hard and that in and of itself is success. π
Other successes? 4:25 again. I think that’s 5 days in a row now? π I got my truck cleaned out and ready for a long, full workday tomorrow. I made a little progress in the garage (I’ve had my stuff spread everywhere trying to get my assessment stuff figured out). I made some decent progress on tax/assessment stuff. I put out a request on FB for tax accountant recommendations. The last one I tried was willing to fudge things, and I… can’t have that. I want someone who’s 100% by the book.
What else…
I cut my hair and shaved my beard this morning. Short hair, no beard. So my head is cooler now, but it takes a second to recognize myself in the mirror. π
I didn’t work on any cars again today. It rained pretty much all day, so that was actually nice. I made progress on the trails during my servicise this morning. That was nice.
I’m way late for bed tonight, with a really busy work day tomorrow, so that’s… not good.
#1. I’m grateful for my mom for helping with my assessment/tax stuff.
#2. I’m grateful I’m doing well in my porn addiction struggles. I think I’m…. 16 days? Yeah, I think it’s 16 days. So that’s something. I’m grateful.
#3. I’m grateful to have the opportunities to overcome my personal weaknesses. It’s been really hard today on so many levels, the tax stuff being one of them (just trying not to get angry that it I lose thousands and thousands of dollars of productive time to figure out how to give them $300. I’d gladly pay 5 times what they’ll end up charging me in the end if they’d just cut the crap. It’s so ridiculous. Whoops. That turned into a rant when it was supposed to be gratitude. π I’m grateful for the opportunities, anyway. How well I’m taking advantage of them, that might be another story at the moment on a day like today.
#4. I’m grateful for all your uplifting comments and messages and whatnot, both on here, via FB, via text, etc. Much appreciated, folks. I’m steadily becoming who I want to become. I just seem to have rung the bells in hell, so he’s coming at me, full head of steam. That’s what it feels like, anyway.
#5. I’m grateful to be doing better with my morning stuff. My bed time is still… really…. awful, but… one step at a time. I’m grateful the mornings are good right now.
Not gonna keep track of streaks right now…. just daily accountability. I…
The positive
- Was porn free today.
- Got up at my magic 4:25 time.
- Did my servicise, 4 of my 5 5x5s, personal study, really good prayer, meditation (I think? days are blending together), etc. during my morning dailies.
- Didn’t waste my time in anything unproductive (when I was super stressed and struggling, I stayed productive, cleaning out the Durango, cleaning out my truck, working on the clutter in the garage, etc).
- Tried to fill my time listening to positive things (a couple of General Conference sessions, with one talk about fairness being quite meaningful).
- My language was good (I’ve only had one intentional swear in over a year now, I think. Granted, it came last weak, but hey, that’s progress. I’ve had maybe a couple of handfuls of fliers over the last year or so, but just the one intentional, and it was… a really rough day, not that having a bad day is any excuse.
The Not So Positive
- Didn’t take time to slow down during the day. I just kept going and going and going. My only respite was the morning routine.
- I struggled to keep my fears hushed at times. They managed to break through a bit.
- Got frustrated with the government today (Every time I work on this stuff, I get close to finishing something and I realize there’s a whole bunch more junk that I have to do that’s gonna take even longer, and…. I just want to be done, but I can’t and it’s sucking my life away, and it’s really frustrating, and I can’t just pay others to do it because I’m the only one who knows what’s what. I’m the only one who can even figure out what to give the blasted accountant, and I’m not anywhere near close to having stuff ready for an accountant (sigh). So…. that wasn’t my brightest spot.
Gonna leave that there…. 2-to-1 positive to not-so-positive ratio will be okay for today. Might need to up the ratio, more positives to not-so-positives.
Well, folks, I’m not in a very good position for tomorrow. I unwisely chose to stay up working on tax/assessment stuff, and now I’m looking at only 4 hours of sleep before the alarm goes off. Not so bright. Cross your fingers I’ll have the strength to get up. The trails are looking pretty good now that I’m doing servicise again. π
Thanks, again, my lovelies, and good night to you! π
Lift the World.
~ stephen
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Lift the World 
Keep it up. You are in charge. You are the boss. But…I don’t know how get to bed so late and get up so early. Sleep…..so important. The body regenerates itself and heals itself, including your mind, during deep sleep. Γ5 = success π
Thx, so much. π One day, you’ll have to tell me who you are… unless you don’t want to. No worries. π Thx, for the encouragement!!
Hola, brother!
It might be worth a day or two or even a week or two of your life to get someone to help you organize an actual accounting system, even teach you how to use something like Quickbooks – and help you figure out the best method of organizing all the details of your business as relates to taxes (and everything else!) I know you’re trying to run damage control on past stuff so it might not be of any use right now. But… If a little money paid to a professional or former professional at that sort of stuff can save you weeks’ worth of hours of adminstrative work in the future AND save you the stress which takes a physical, mental, emotional, AND spiritual toll on you…. THAT would be money well spent. In fact, it could be worth a few thousand dollars or more to have a tax professional sit with you while you sort through all that stuff? Or not? It would be nice if the accountant and the tax professional were one and the same individual. There have to be people like that out there… How much is it worth to you to have them walk you through every step as you’re doing it so you can be RID of the burden? Just a thought… π
And I know you are wanting to shift focus towards other things or simpler ways of making a living BUT that’s information (and possibly software) that will come in handy for the rest of your life, whether you are using it for yourself or to help somebody else out. π
Sending hugs, love, and anything else I can… π π
Thx, Heather. I need two people–a bookkeeper, and an Accountant. I have things I should go over every night at the end of the work day. Would probably take 15-60 minutes a night. But I get home, and I have to spend a bunch of time scheduling. And I’m tired. And I forget all the other stuff. And days go by. Weeks. Months. And it’s all so asenine in the first place, that by the time I get to it, it’s huge and I’m angry because it’s so stupid to spend an hour of my time to figure out how to give the state a dollar. Anyway, but unless I get a full-time secretary, I’m the only one who knows what needs to be recorded each night, and it would take just about as long to tell someone what needs to be done each night as to do it myself. Probably longer. So I do everything. βΉοΈ But I bury myself so much that I don’t do that “little” stuff. And then it builds up to be a mountain.
I totally understand, Stephen… π¦ π¦ π¦ Well, may you know when to call it a night tonight for your own mental, spiritual, and physical well being… As mom used to say: This too, shall pass… Ha ha, now that I’m the age I am, that adage actually helps, a little – and not in a fatalistic way, but in a re-centering perspective-providing way… π Sending love, hugs, and commiseration…
Thx! Speaking of age… I’m 39… The federal actuarial table says my lifespan probably is another 39 years. So… I’m officially middle aged. πΆ
I know how disconcerting that is! I don’t recognize myself in the mirror too much anymore and I feel the skin on my face protesting and wrinkling up, not wanting to move and then not wanting to move *back* when I smile, frown, etc… ! Yikes!!! Wrinkles!!
But… Screw the federal actuarial table about age!! π What a dismal way of looking at all the things we can contribute and learn and develop, all the joy we can have and give, and all the wisdom and compassion we can gain until our last breath, and all the lives we can touch, extending in untold ripples even down through generations of people we’ve touched. Anyway… We’re all officially dead (or eternally living, depending on how you want to look at it) from the moment we’re born, and we have no idea what moment physical death will come for us… so… We have to enjoy and appreciate the heck out of what we have in this moment…. And know that beyond the grave we will still thrive and grow.
By the way… I know you’re busy and need to go to bed, so no need to reply tonight! π π
Love you, brother!