2021-05-26 — Piling On

Hey, y’all. Been a really rough day today. Struggling… massively.

Had a whole lot of really hard things all converge at once today, and… I… feel buried under a mountain.

No way out but through, and tomorrow’s another day.

Didn’t do any cars today. Spent the first half of the day struggling with some personal stuff that was weighing heavily on me. Didn’t get it figured out. Just… pushed it to one side for now I guess. Then I spent a whole lot of time trying to get things worked out with the tax assessment stuff. I’m drowning with that stuff, but I’m hoping I’m almost there. Another couple of full solid days and I should have it. I hope. I really hope. It’s due on Tuesday. I get a little extra time because of the holiday.

I tried to do right by myself by taking a break from working on the assessment stuff, and I went out to get the Bobcat going (get finish the oil change and get the joints all greased.

Well… four hours later, and I still don’t have all the joints greased. The people who owned it…. apparently never greased the joints, so there were two that were so plugged up that I had to disassemble the front (Take the bucket off, and disconnect the front attachment bracket, etc). Even then, it took what… three hours of working on those two fittings, before I was able to be successful getting grease to flow through one of them. I’m still fighting with the other.

I tried to take a break, and it ended up worse. 😕

Just… piled on.

Still… tomorrow’s another day, and I’ll try again.

#1. I’m grateful that I’ve gotten at least one of those two fittings to accept grease.

#2. I’m grateful that I was able to make some progress on the assessment stuff.

#3. I’m grateful for air conditioning. Was hot and muggy today.

#4. I’m grateful for refrigerators.

#5. I’m grateful for meals that don’t require really any cooking or cleanup.

Daily Accountability…

The positive

• I think I’m at 2 days sober. That’s… better than zero.
• I didn’t turn to anything to numb out when it was a really hard day today.

The “Needs Improvement”

• I got really mad today… with everything piling on, the stupid issues with the grease fittings just… put me over the top. And I did let a premeditated curse out. Split second, but still…. That’s two in one week I think after like 9 months without one at all. (sigh)

Rough day, folks. My knee is getting more and more swollen. Not sure what the issue is, just full of fluid and puffy. Like my bursa is too thin and is rupturing. I had a major bursa injury to that knee years ago, so maybe it’s just finally giving me issues.

So that’s the day. May you all have a beautiful night.

Lift the World.

~ stephen