2021-06-09 — Muchos Triggeros

Day started off early and triggery… My brain woke up around 6:30, far before I wanted to get up, and it was just one triggering thought after another–an absolute onslaught that lasted for like… two hours–trying to sleep while simultaneously trying to beat out the thoughts.

And the day was filled with triggers, right, left, center. The normal ones, but then my second job? I pull up into the neighborhood, and there’s this woman in a tiny bikini sunbathing on the driveway. And who’s house was I going to? Yup. Hers.

Good gravy.

Fairly recently retired stripper, apparently. So I dealt with that for a while working on her car. Fortunately, her boyfriend was there more often than she was, so that was something, but… good gravy.

Then at the grocery store, a really attractive woman wearing very… triggering attire.

Then home, and apparently Microsoft decided to add suggested news stories to my taskbar, and I accidentally hovered over the icon which I didn’t realize must have been added in an update or something, and what story pops up? A story (with an accompanying picture) of a bunch of apparently high school girls “studying” for school completely naked to protest a “sexist dresscode.” They were “covered” by their textbooks. So I got rid of that story suggestion. The next one that slid up after I x’ed out the first story, was a story about “the art of stripping.” So… I x’ed out that story, too, and the third was a sports story, and I was like… how do I shut this off?

Fortunately, I managed to find the shut-off valve, and I got that stuff turned off.

Good. Freaking. Gravy.

It’s 1 a.m., and I’m still clean. Thank heavens.

But I gotta get my little hiney into bed–stat.

#1. I’m grateful that though I didn’t get many cars done today, I did get a decent amount done because one of the cars turned into a big job.

#2. I’m grateful that I am getting better at not pushing things with work. I’m just calling it when I should, in order to take care of my body and mind.

#3. I’m grateful for my customer who brought me water. It was super nasty humid hot today.

#4. I’m grateful to have been able to get the second car done. It took a lot longer because it was a rust bucket, and I had to fight with messed up parts. The first car was just an inspection. Thought she had bad brakes, but it wasn’t a brake problem. So I just went over her whole car and gave her a list of what was needed and then told her that it was old enough that I probably wouldn’t do any of what was on the list I gave her until it’s absolutely necessary (Toyota Camry with 308,000 miles on it. Camry has to be the best car eve built. Those things are just beasts. Go Toyota.

#5. I’m grateful to have found another vegan mayo alternative. Lots cheaper than Veganaise and uses sunflower oil. We’ll see how it goes.

Daily Accountability:

The Positive

1. 16 days. Keep on keepin’ on.
2. I reached out when I was triggered tonight with the stupid news stories. Those were *super* tempting. After the day I’d had, those were ***super*** tempting. I’m grateful I had the courage and strength to text my trigger helpers and to close the story images and then shut that “feature” off. That news stuff caught me in the place where I’m vascillating–the “will I give in or won’t I” while I’m just frozen, staring at the screen. I made it. This time.
3. I’ve been so much better at dealing with things going sideways lately. More patient. Letting more things roll off my back.
4. Allison had a really rude customer on the phone today, and she asked if I could talk to him, so I did, and he was really rude to me to, but I kept my cool, tried to help him, and in the end, he was apologizing for the way he treated me. Cool.

The Needs Improvement

1. Is 1:19 a.m. earlier or later than 1:10 a.m.? 😬🙃

Thanks, folks! Love to all!

Lift the World.

~ stephen