2021-11-12 — 50 Days to No Fear

Hiya, folks! It’s been quite the day today! 😊

Once again, body woke me up before my alarm. It’s… honestly pretty amazing. I’m getting about 7 ish hours of sleep a night, which is less than I’ve normally needed, and my body is still waking me up–in a dark dark room–before my 4 a.m. alarm goes off!

😶

Today when I popped out of bed, I dropped and did 20 pushups instead of 10. That was good. 🙂 I did my room 5×5. I did my house 5×5 (I think?). I did my driveway/garage 5×5. I did my outdoor 5×5, and I did my digital cleanup 5×5 (I think). I did my meditation (I stretch while meditating, which is nice for my body). I did some exercise. It’s still weak. Why am I struggling so much? I would do so much better if I went to a gym and had all the equipment. That’s so much easier, but I don’t want to lose that precious 30 minutes a day driving there and back. I want to discipline myself to exercise here. Time is so precious. I’ve got to discipline myself. Need to figure out my hip as well.

So many things on the plate right now. It’s by choice because there’s so much I want to do mixed with all the things that need to be done, but it ends up as a lot on the plate.

I’m excited, though–excited about life and where things are going. The negative voices clang about, as if echoing in a large cavernous hall (“see, no one really cares. No one will listen to you. Only your closest friends and family, if even they, will participate and care,” but I’m gonna banish those echoing voices just like I banish the fear.

I have no fear.

Bring it on. Bring it all on.

I will be impossible to subdue or defeat.

I will be indomitable.

Boom.

…

So… yeah… It’s been a fabulous day. I had a completely loaded day of work today, and I should have been out early in the morning, but… I realized there were 50 days left in the year, and that sounded like a perfect challenge. 50 days to no fear. So I gave myself the challenge. And then I thought, well, let’s share the challenge. Lift the world. And… a YouTube video seemed like a super good way to go, but that was scary and would take time out of my day which could complicate so many things and bring about the circumstances that generally heighten my fear/anxiety significantly. But I faced the fear. I made my video. I did it as a one draft one off, no re-do’s or retakes, nothing. There are things that are missing that would have been good to include, but I faced the fear. It’s not perfect. That’s ok. Getting started is more important than starting perfectly.

So I faced that fear today. And it was good. I had other opportunities to face fear today, and I took advantage of multiple, perhaps even most of them. There was one I didn’t take. The young woman working behind the Subway counter was very attractive (in my view), and I wanted to mention that to her to brighten her day (way too young for me, probably fresh out of high school, early college), but I stopped myself multiple times because, one, I didn’t want to be a “creep.” Two, I didn’t know how to say it in a nonchalant but sincere way, and three, I don’t like how much emphasis is placed on physical beauty (even though I myself have an apparently narrow standard for what I find attractive and what I don’t), so I don’t want to encourage the “too much emphasis placed on physical attraction” issue I think we as a society have, so… I didn’t do anything.

😶

An opportunity to brighten a day (or be seen as a creep, or whatever), or would I just be reinforcing a societal problem?

🤷‍♂️ Got me. I want to figure that out, though, so I feel confident in the why’s of my decision come the next time.

What else…

My nephew Rafe was home from school today for a few reasons, so I invited him to go out and work on cars with me today, and he joined me. That was great. 🙂 He’s 13, a super-quick learner, and it was fun. We started the day with a very full plate, but one by one, they canceled or postponed, so we only went to three places, finishing two cars, and then we were home early, before 5, even.

Crazy.

I came home, ate dinner, chatted a tad with my mom, spent an hour ish working on my list of fears post, and now here I am. It’s been a very productive day. 😊

Accountability:

• Bed last night at 8:30: I think it was 9.
• Up at 4: 3:58. 😎
• 5x5s: Check
• Exercise: Check… ish.
• Cold shower: Check! 💪 (it’s cold enough that it’s more than just a shock to the system: The other day it was enough to start actually shivering because I was in long enough for it to sink in pretty good).
• Meditation: Check.
• Breakfast: Check.
• NP Work: Check, but should have been better.
• Tax Work: Check
• Lunch: Check!
• Work done by 6: Yes!
• Dinner: Check!
• Only truly healthy foods: Check?
• No Wasted Life: No. Wasted. Life. Giving 100%.
• No Distracted Driving: Needs work.
• Faced a Fear: Several. 💪
• Tamed the tongue: 🤐 Solid.

Evening Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful to feel so much happier!
2. I’m grateful to be able to lighten and brighten and lift a little and have it be meaningful for some people. Even one is fabulous. 😊
3. I’m grateful to have had so many jobs postpone/cancel. It was quite the unnormal day, and it was a great day to have one like today’s.
4. I’m grateful for the beautiful fall day. It’s been great.
5. I’m grateful to have the heater working in my van, and working very well. The wind was frigid today, so it was nice to have a super warm van to climb back into between jobs.
6. I’m grateful to have supportive family and friends as I embark on this journey to no fear and as I embark on the nonprofit adventure I’m working on right now.
7. I’m grateful to feel confidence and energy, the latter even when I’m getting less sleep than I normally need.
8. I’m grateful to have been able to make progress on the 5x5s–especially the one outside, where I’m digging down a hump to make it mowable.
9. I’m grateful for washing machines, that I don’t have to wash my clothes in the creek or on a washboard in a basin. Bless that person who invented the washing machine. And perspective be to me to remember that there are many, very many people around the world who still don’t have this simple luxury that I take as a given, an everyday normalcy. How lucky I am to have this great convenience that allows me to use my time differently. And what responsibility I have to use it to bless lives.
10. I’m grateful to have my relationships with my family growing and expanding. That’s cool… so cool.

Evening Reflection: I’m feeling like I’m making good progress already in the banishment of fear. I fear nothing (that’s more of me being my own booster, as Les Brown would say. Or as both he and ET would say, say it, claim it, before you are it).

I feel the power and truth in their recommendation.

I am fearless.

I fear nothing.

Bring it all on. All of it.

I am.

I am indomitable.

Thought of the Day:

“Act the way you want to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.” ~ Les Brown

Love you! all y’all! 😊

Lift the World

~ stephen