2021-11-28 — Where Will it Lead

Just can’t do morning journal… I… no. 🙃

So here I am again. Happy Sunday evening! 🙂

The day started out a little low. I’ve been struggling and dragging for a few days now, but I was able to get back up today. I hadn’t listened to any motivational speeches for days, I don’t think, but I did today, and they were helpful to get my focus back right. So many years of thought patterns to overcome!

It’s been a really productive day today. I made progress in something like 12 different areas today, whittling down my to-do list significantly! I repaired the hose on my shop vac, I removed and replaced the rear brake light on my BMW Z4. I put a new chain on the chainsaw. I tightened the belt on my skid steer. I figured out the coolant situation with my skid steer and topped it off, as it was rather low. I looked over my Dodge Caravan and made a parts list for what I need to get it driveable on the roads, so it’s not just a trash runner up the hill but can do more. I figured out what needs to be replaced on my BMW to fix a small coolant leak (lower radiator hose). I was able to successfully remove the most damaged of the bushings on my Komatsu mini ex boom. That was super good. I’ve been concerned about that one and wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to do it, but I found a large 32mm socket that fit rather well into the slot, and with the assistance of a 2 1/2 lb sledge hammer, I… uh… coaxed it out. 🙃 I was super happy to find that the massively damaged bushing wasn’t so bad that it had damaged the actual boom (thank heaven!). I will need to find the correct bushing and pin, though, as the ones I bought don’t fit that area of the arm. I did buy the correct ones for other areas of the arm, but not this one, the worst of them, so I’ll need to head back over there and see what they’ve got (can get).

What else… I got the hose ordered for my BMW, alligator clips for my testing tools, the ad for the Terrain updated, the pile of mats somewhat distributed into the various needy cars (Civic, Terrain, and Caravan). I still have a small pile of mats left, which I’ll probably just give away? I got some painters tape because I made the decision that I’m going either going to have my neighbor do the paint on my BMW, or I’m going to do a cheap paint job myself on the affected areas.

What else… uh… lunch with Liz up the hill, chatted with my friend Matt (Texas Matt) for a good little while, spent a long time on Match.com and sent at least one message out.

I am deliberately looking at profiles that I normally wouldn’t, trying to be more open to a broader spectrum of physical appearances than is my current spectrum of attraction. That’s really hard, but I’m making a real effort. I’m also trying to be slower to pass on profiles that aren’t obvious matches at first blush.

I made some progress on my taxes today as well. That was good. I downloaded an app that allows me to turn all the blue light off on my phone, which makes my screen really… red. 🙃 I might have a hip surgeon tentatively chosen, at least as a start. I’ll call tomorrow, and we’ll see what it looks like.

It’s 8:22, so it’s time to close for the night.

1. I’m grateful to have made all the progress I made.
2. I’m grateful to be making choices that are helping me grow.
3. I’m grateful to be back writing my journal in the evening.
4. I’m grateful to be doing well with my commitments to myself. I’m at something like 5 weeks now without TV, movies, porn and other crap. Very little wasted time of any kind.
5. I’m grateful for the warmish day today.
6. I’m really grateful I was able to get that bushing out. I was watching YouTube videos where people welded angle iron to the bushings to then pound them out. I might still need to do something like that for the other bushing styles, but we’ll see!
7. I’m grateful to be relatively close to on-time for bed.
8. I’m grateful to be reaching out to people and seeing growth in how I handle the fears that want to well up related to all that.
9. I’m grateful to have work slow down for the annual November slowdown.
10. I’m grateful to have had a couple two or threeish days off this week. It’s so nice to have more time. I mean, I’m still working a lot on other things, but it’s nice to get those things moving.

Years ago, I remember coming across a religious discourse titled something like “Where Will it Lead?” I’ve been thinking about that more lately. Emotionally, I’ve moved on from cars, but because of all the choices I made, I’m stuck here until I get this stuff wrapped up–cars to fix and sell, equipment to fix, taxes to do… lots and lots on the plate before my actions can fully embrace what my heart already has.

I had the opportunity to get a really cheap car today, but… it needed work. I was sorely tempted, but in the end, where would it lead? It would be one more project in a long list of projects. It would take more of my precious time, and so what if it made me money? I. don’t want. to. be. doing. this. anymore.

The money ain’t worth it.

One life, and time is my most valued and precious resource.

One life. One chance. Death can come at any time, and it’s all over.

Tomorrow’s Priorities:

1. Ground myself through morning meditation.
2. Work on nonprofit.
3. Work on taxes.
4. Make appointment with surgeon.
5. Pick up parts for my own cars that need to be worked on.
6. Order needed parts for my mini ex.
7. Make ads for renting my mini ex, skid steer, and GMC Terrain.
8. Return Amazon stuff that needs to be returned.
9. Return Walmart stuff that needs to be returned.

If I can do all that?!?! That would be lovely!

Daily Accountability

• Bed last night at 8:30: Uh… yes?
• Up at 3:30: 😎
• 5x5s: Half of them?
• Exercise: Nope
• Cold shower: Nope
• Meditation: Nope
• Breakfast: 😎
• NP Work: 😎
• Tax Work: 😎
• Lunch: 😎
• Work done by 6: N/A
• Dinner: 😎
• Only truly healthy foods: 😎
• No Wasted Life: 😎
• No Distracted Driving: 😕
• Faced a Fear: No, but I started making the list of things to choose to face every day!!
• Tamed the tongue: 😎
• Bag of veggies: 😎

Lift the World

~ stephen