Biggest losing day trading wise I’ve had in my short career. Almost $4k down today. Why? Because of self discipline issues. I’m going to give it one more day. If I have one more day where I can’t discipline myself, then I’m going to let go of trading indefinitely. No sense trying to force it if I’m not capable of trading the way I need to trade to be successful. Given all the struggles I have right now just with life… this might be too much for me to expect of myself when I’m barely hanging on. I mean… I’m not really even barely hanging on. I’m a complete mess. I just keep trying to find something to hold onto, something to give me a reason to wake up in the morning, and trading was something… but… might not keep going.
It’s been a rough day. Yeah, the money thing is hard, but it’s not really the money, sure it’s crappy, but it really hasn’t been much of an issue, honestly. It’s just the same as everything else. When the latest effort to find hope and reason for life fizzles, it uncovers where I’m really at underneath when the fog of distraction is burned off.
I’m a mess.
So… it won’t be a big thing if I let it go.
I don’t really know where I’m going.
I want to be something I’m struggling to be. I want to just give my whole heart to the world, but I broke into little pieces, and I can’t seem to pull myself together anymore. Work distracts me. Trading distracts me. I find so many things to distract me, but underneath, I’m a mess.
Cross your fingers. Maybe I’ll get it together.
Love to you all. Thanks, for your support.
Lift the World
~ stephen
Lift the World 
If it helps any, the news said everyone everyone lost in the markets yesterday. It was a crappy trading day, full stop. You could blame yourself, but why would you treat yourself that way?
I love you. Stop calling yourself names and love you, too.
Thanks, Tish. Just been really hard … for a while now, and my lack of self discipline is… hard as well, wanting to have discipline and emotional resilience but struggle in certain areas that are really important to me. I’m trying.