2023-06-21 — Exhausted

Joints have been hurting a fair bit. I’ve never really looked up what about changes in weather and pressure cause it, but it’s sunny skies, and I thought it was when storms rolled in but caused the pain.

Guess there’s something else.

I’m really struggling. And I’m tired of writing that. And I’m tired of being embarrassed for being so pathetic in my inability to actually get anywhere.

I know how my brain works, and I don’t think there’s much hope that I’ll ever get this resolved.

I keep making progress, but then losing it. Same old story.

I simply can’t handle what I’ve been through. It’s sad and stupid… pathetic, honestly. I feel like who I used to be is gone, and I’m never going to get him back. Sure, there’s assemblance left, but it’s just a shell.

Two cars yesterday. Was supposed to have a full day, but it didn’t quite go as planned. I’ve had a customer flake out twice now, so I’m probably just going to send them somewhere else. Changed a tire for my first job and diagnosed a non-working blower unit for my second job. Turned out to be a bad ignition switch. Never seen that before. Never seen a bad ignition switch cause a blower motor to not work, but there you go. I got the diagnosis right, so I’m happy about that.

After that, I went home.

Oh, I mowed the lawn. And I cut up the huge limb that fell off one of the trees. Heck of a lot more tree to cut up than one would think from one limb, but it was pretty huge.

I just want to go out and make a difference, and I am too overwhelmed. The thought of doing anything that requires effort right now… I’m just so exhausted. So so exhausted.

Lift the World

~ stephen