Believe it or not, it was a cold night last night. 🥳
That was so nice! I actually grabbed my little secondary blanket.
It was great.
The weather has significantly cooled off. Highs in the 80s for like a week or 10 days straight. We even have one day with a high of 79, I think.
Thank heaven.
Today I was sans any new brown recluses in traps. In fact, gratefully, somehow I’ve managed to keep this van tightly sealed enough that I don’t have any bugs at all in any of the traps.
🥳
Glad not to have much of anything in the way of collateral damage for other critters because of those straps. Heck, I don’t really see bugs at all in the van, even though there’s food in it, which I try to keep sealed up, and even though I’m right on the edge of the woods, in the shade for 75% of the day, and even though there are bugs galore absolutely everywhere. Inside the van, it seems to stay relatively sealed up, gratefully.
I spent the morning cleaning out my work van, getting everything out of it. Decision is made. That van is getting sold. Business is getting shut down.
Part of me is just a little nervous about shutting it down. It’s been such a great financial boon for me. Though compared to modern day salaries that people get in the tech industry and other industries, it’s not much.
Compared to what was needed when I was a kid, it was great. I’m not a kid anymore, but still, it served my needs beautifully.
But it’s not good for my body. And it’s not good for my psyche. And I have to move on.
It is finally time to do what I’ve always wanted to do, try to lift the world on a broader scale, on as broad a scale as I can. All the financial preparations (the reasons I worked so hard for so long saving money) were for a future that never came. If life is just going to be me alone, I don’t need much money. Heck, I can live in a cave and not care much. I like being close to nature. 🙃 I don’t need really much of anything, personally.
Anyway, I was pulling things out of my van and setting them on the ground or on the trailer when Jim pulled up. We started chatting a little bit, and he mentioned that his truck was having issues and asked if we could put it on my scanner to see what was going on. He was about to go run errands and asked if we could do that when he got back. While chatting, I think he must have asked how I was doing, because I broke down and started crying and just sort of waved him away to go shopping.
I’m a mess.
I kept sorting and cleaning out and organizing and what not until I saw him come back. Then I grabbed my scanner and headed up the hill. The scanner showed a multiple misfire and misfire on cylinder 3. Most of the time, the issue is with the coil packs, And he didn’t really want to do much in the way of diagnostics, so we just ordered a coil to slap on it.
He was exhausted from not getting much sleep and his grandson being up and taking care of him a bit through the night. So he was going to take a nap while we waited for the part to be delivered.
We started chatting again, and I started crying again, and Jim suggested that we go inside where it was cooler and talk. We talked and talked, and I crumbled into little pieces and sobbed.
Did I mention I’m a mess? 😅
There’s one big issue that’s already got me constantly at the edge of crumbling all the time, and so with all these other ancillary things… I just crumble and crumble and crumble and crumble over and over and over again.
It’s just too much. Too much pressure on my brain. Too much pressure inside of me. I’m trying to get rid of as many of the external ancillary pressures as I can because the big one never changes, and at least maybe I can get rid of a sufficient number of pressures so that I don’t crumble to pieces every day.
Among a million other things, I told Jim that I wasn’t staying on Haven Hill. I love this place, but it has become one of the big pressures on me. Anything that takes my time right now that feels like something that needs to be done is a pressure, and I just don’t have anything left of me. I can’t stay here.
I also want to finally find a place that’s mine, and none of Haven Hill is actually mine. I just want wherever my home base is going to be to actually be my place.
Even if it’s just a cave. 🙃
I just have to figure out where home is going to be.
But that’s not on the priority list at the very moment. The first thing is to sell. Sell sell sell. Clean up, clean out. Thin out. Organize. Reduce the number of things causing pressure in my brain. Sort out everything that I’m keeping from everything that I’m not, and sell and give away everything that I’m not keeping.
And figure out where I’m going to store things while I travel wherever I’m going once things here are buttoned up.
While I waited for the coil pack to arrive for Jim, I was grateful to be able to sell the job box that we’ve used as a package delivery box. I didn’t get what we paid for out of it, but it also looks a lot worse with the paint peeling, and I think I got close to what we paid for out of it?
Anyway, it’s gone, and that’s a very large piece of stuff that’s now taken care of that was taking up constant visual space in my field of view in my little Greenhouse staging area.
Autozone still hasn’t fixed my billing, so I ended up having to drive into Pea Ridge to pick up the part and pay for it in person, so I picked up the part, brought it back, and we installed it.
Unfortunately, that didn’t fix the issue, and on the test drive, though that cylinder didn’t misfire again, other cylinders did.
😕
Next step is to get spark plugs, as it needs those anyway. With these engines, it could be a timing issue. All the misfires were all on the same bank, so, could be a timing issue–cam phasers would be my guess if it turns out to be something more than just plugs and coils.
He’s going to fix the truck regardless of what the issue turns out to be, and since he needs spark plugs anyway because it’s got 144,000 mi on it, we’ll slap those in and see if it makes a difference. If not, then at least he’ll have new spark plugs that he needs anyway. Then we can actually do the diagnostics to see what’s going on.
I spent a good bit more time sorting through things. I gave some stuff to Jim.
I cleaned off the dirt and rock that was caked on my mini ex. Mike is going to borrow it tomorrow morning to dig the water line that’s been broken so he can get it fixed.
Actually ate something halfway decently healthy for dinner–burritos.
Crawled into my van. Did my tick check. Last night, I wasn’t expecting any, and found a really really big one down in my nether regions.
Nothing today, gratefully. 🥳
Speaking of gratefully, I haven’t been doing my gratitude. Need to do that.
- I’m so so grateful for the cooler weather. It’s been stiflingly hot. What a weenie I am without AC. I can handle it fine for a while, but when there’s zero break for days and days and days, and it’s just hot hot hot, and I live outdoors, at least in my current emotional state the heat wears on me. So I’m grateful for this cooler weather that feels downright balmy compared to what it’s been.
- I’m grateful to have the package delivery/job box sold. That’s a huge lawn ornament off of the lawn, off of the to-do list, and out of my mind now.
- I’m grateful to Jim for his love and concern for me. I’m in super super bad shape, and I think when he saw me completely crumble into the tiniest of pieces in front of him, I think he is starting to understand. He hasn’t seen me that way before. It’s nice to have many people who love and care about me even if there’s not much that anyone can do for me.
- I’m grateful that I have reception at least enough to stream, mostly, YouTube videos at my little Greenhouse/ Creek staging area.
- I’m grateful that I didn’t get bitten by the brown recluse spider in my work van that I noticed was right where I was putting my hands to pull all the fluids out of the vehicle.
- I’m grateful that ET started with a significantly undersized battery, and that that the undersized battery was apparently fully charged, so it could start ET. 🥳
Keep fighting, Stephen. Lift the world.
Lift the World 
Keep fighting, Stephen. Lift the world.