2025-11-13 (Thursday) — Real Duct Tape

(written on December 4th from notes taken previously)

So… what to do…

Do I give up on trading again, so I don’t risk losing more because of my inability to follow my own rules and inability to manage my emotions, or do I see if I can actually knuckle down, keep my rules, maintain control of my emotions, and actually get to the point where I can trade as a means of making a living?

My choice today was to trade again and not give up, hoping to manage my emotions better.

So, starting trading again at crazy hours as usual because of the time difference, I went at it. I worked hard. I tried to trade well; and when all was said and done, I finished the day up $580.

🙏🥳🙏

It felt really good after being down so much from the last 2 days of loss. I had a little bit of hope, a tad more confidence in myself.

It’s really just keeping my rules and managing my emotions that’s holding me back, which is why I keep returning. It just feels so reasonable to think that I can make a living day trading because I understand what I need to do.

But I keep failing to do what I know needs to be done.

Can I hold on this time? Can I finally overcome?

I spent most of the day trading. That’s one fairly sizable drawback is that I’m not getting much sleep, at all, and I’m trading for hours and hours and hours.

Instead of being a quick way of making money, because of the way I’m trading, it’s consuming my life.

That’s… not so good. 

Alex, whom I met up at bum bay, recognized my van and came over and said hello.

Spent a little time feeding the birds, until the seagulls saw what I was doing and came in and tried to take over.

I’m not a fan of seagulls. 🙃

They seem like bullies. Bullies to the other birds and bullies to each other, and I just… don’t like bullies.

So once they came in and took over, at first, I tried to feed the other ones and chew the seagulls away, but eventually, I got annoyed by having to constantly chase them away and by their incessant, annoying, at least to my ears, squawking.

Finally got my dishes washed. I’ve been carrying around those darn dirty dishes since I cut up that raw fish. I’m just not used to eating meat, so I’m not used to doing anything more than just rinsing off my dishes, but I finally remembered, and there was water here to wash them, so I did.

From there, I debated where to go next. I wanted to work on the big screen for my van, but it was crowded at Ruakaka, so I headed to the next Beach down south, Uretiti.

I spent a good long time at the beach parking area, a gravel turn around before a walk up and over the dunes/hills to the beach itself.

I never actually went to the beach, as that one has a section that’s clothing optional, and I’m having enough struggles as it is with all that, though the weather (colder and cloudy with some rain likely would have kept naturists away).

Aaaaaaaanyway…

I spent a long time trying to figure out how to design and then attach the screen. Last time Chase and I were here, we used magnets to hold the screen on the vehicle. And I did have magnets that I could try, but I thought about maybe having a more permanent solution.

The biggest challenge is the rain shields. The rain shields block a pretty hefty portion of the attachment surface.

You’ve got the two sides and the bottom with easy attachment access, but then there’s only about a quarter of an inch or less underneath the rain shield, and you’re trying to attach it to what… weatherstripping?

It’s not as big of a deal in the north island, but once going down to the South Island… 😶

It’s got to be free of sand-fly access points, or you’re done for. 😅 🪰

Oh my great golly goodness. Combine wind with no flat surface to measure, and that made for a nearly futile effort.

It took so long, using tape and magnets and such, to finally get one window’s screen measured and cut to fit, starting on the driver’s side.

Eventually, after trying and trying to find another way, I gave up and removed the rain guard, planning to reattach it later after the screen was installed, but once again, lacking the tools I needed that I have at home that make everything so much easier, I ended up accidentally breaking the rain shield and even scraping off some paint.

Super frustrating experience trying to figure all that out.

Spent hours on it just to get as far as I did.

I also realized in the process that the tape that I had bought was not going to cut it. Not even close. Not even a teeny tiny tiny bit of a chance. I needed real duct tape American-style duct tape, not this stretchy stuff that’s more like really wide electrical tape.

So that was the end of it. The feeling better because of the successful trading day was eventually eroded by the breaking of the rain shield and the sheer ridiculousness of trying to do what I was doing without tools and without a place to do the work.

One of the challenges of Van life… no house or shop to get out of the weather and have flat surfaces to work with and an extra set of hands.

Even measuring was a real challenge, as I had no tape measure and was away from town, but eventually, I have to realizing the tape wasn’t going to work, I gave up and headed back into town, heading back to the Mega Mitre 10 in Whangarei to buy real duct tape.

Gratefully, I was able to find some. 🙏

But once again, my van life limitations came into full view. How do you put tape All along The edge in a at least somewhat close straight line when you have no flat surfaces nor hard surfaces to work with?

😶

Super challenging.

In the end, I used tape to stretch the screen tight from my driver’s door to the passenger seat and then used a headlamp shining up back toward me to cast a shadow from the screen through the tape, so I could see where the tape was being laid down on the screen.

Not easy. 😅

Took so. much. time. 😒

And despite feeling at least somewhat creatively accomplished, it was very frustrating how much time it was taking.

But my version one was ready to be attached to the vehicle. The question from there, was, how?

Do I tape it on? Do I velcro it on? Hot glue?

🤷

There wasn’t really much more I was going to be able to do today because the rain kept the van wet, removing the ability to work with a dry surface for adhesion.

I’m thinking velcro would be perfect. I really don’t like permanent things. I like to be able to change my mind later, so I’m always wanting to design my building projects in such a way as to be able to be undone or adjusted in the future.

Anyway, from there I headed back to the Abbey Caves parking lot where I spent a good little bit of time emailing the local city council/parks council/ whatever they are about my feelings about the closure of Abby Caves.

I was polite and kind about it. I also expressed my gratitude for my experience in New Zealand previously because their approach was to allow people to make their own choices when it came to adventures they might be interested in experiencing that might have some risk to them.

I made some suggestions for what they could do, including adding signs that explain the dangers, such as not going in the cave within 24 hours of a rainstorm, being sure to bring extra sources of light, being sure to bring adequate clothing and adventure gear, etc.

I sent them a picture of a sign at another place that I felt like did a great job of alerting people to risks.

Part of what added to my stress today was that I decided to make a trade toward the end of the trading day that ended up being ridiculously stressful because I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to trade that particular stock after hours.

Like the other one the other day, I felt like I had made a good decision in the trade itself, but then the day ended, and my particular trading platform wouldn’t let me trade that particular stock, though other trading platforms let people trade that stock, so I was pretty much stuck for like 12 hours, or something, unable to close out the position, afraid of what other traders might do and where the price might go.

It was also super stressful because it put my account into a call situation, meaning that they could liquidate my stock at their will at any time in order to assure that I had the necessary funds in my account to maintain my trading status.

After talking with customer service, I was assured that they wouldn’t liquidate my stock at their whim, that they would give me until the next day to liquidate the stock, but it was still super stressful not knowing what was going to happen to the stock and knowing that no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to be able to act on it myself until my particular trading platform opened at 7:00 a.m. Eastern Time.

Super stressed.

In the midst of all my stress, I made a plan with my sister Heather for how to help both of us improve our spiritual growth and maintenance, and I made some deliberate choices to help me dig out of the rut that I’ve been in.

Hoping for progress. 🤞

Headed back to Whangarei Falls to stay the night, but they had closed it. Headed over to the Rugby place across the street, but they kicked me out after a couple of hours because of an event that was taking place the next day, the parking lot apparently having been reserved for the night with trucks coming in (a couple of semi trucks pulled in while I was there)

So I got on my CamperMate app and found a little place on a main road just outside of town called Waikaraka Layby, and called it a night.

Really stressed about the outstanding position and what will happen. I felt good about the buy, but gosh. The unknown… And being handcuffed and unable to liquidate while others can and will be influencing the stock is… nerve racking.

The after hours spread was as much as $8 difference, which could have meant losing thousands of dollars or gaining thousands of dollars, depending on which way it broke.

😅😬😅😬😅

Lift the world.

Bring it on.

~ stephen