(written on September 29th from notes taken previously)
Long, hot work day today. 🥵
I don’t remember if I mentioned it, but today was the day that I headed down to Russellville with Jim to help him with a concrete job he was hired to do at the LDS church there.
It’s a two-plus-hour drive each way, so Jim and I talked a fair bit. He’s one of the few people who know more of the details of that ongoing circumstance that’s been my life’s biggest challenge thus far, and we talked about it a bit.
As per usual, the tears flowed.
I don’t really talk about it despite it being ever-present in my life and exerting an enormous impact on nearly every area of my life on a daily basis.
Nearly my entire life is what it is because of this… circumstance.
(there’s got to be a better word to describe it, but I’m tired, and nothing’s coming to mind)
I don’t really talk about it, because God asked me to keep the details private. So there’s that, and then honestly, there’s not really anything that anybody anywhere can do to help.
There’s not really much of anything I can do to help.
The only things that I could do that I have hope could help I just fail at… over and over again.
Which is all the more discouraging.
Jim’s supportive, and he’s understanding. 🤍
He’s also able to maintain his faith and trust in God seemingly come what may. Life can be stressful for him, of course, but he somehow maintains an absolute confidence in God.
So for him, his perspective is that if God directed me to follow a certain path, then great, follow the path.
It’s… a lot harder for me.
My faith isn’t so strong.
And following that path means actively watching the majority of my deepest desires all but disappear as they fade in the distance.
[sigh]
Once in Russellville, the first order of business was breaking up the old concrete, so I grabbed a sledgehammer and pounded away.
Gratefully, Jim had a portable canopy thing, which kept us out of the direct sunlight. I think it was triple digits today?
Hot, hot, hot heavy work.
I think it was after I finished breaking up all the concrete that we headed into town to get more supplies, stopping off at Lowe’s for some stuff we were lacking before heading to a local all you can eat Chinese buffet for lunch.
Love all you can eats. 😋
After getting back to the job site, it was on to pouring the concrete. Jim did the mixing and pouring while I worked on cleaning up stuff and what not.
With the intensity of the heat, we went inside multiple times to cool off.
It was just brutal. 🥵
Eventually, we managed to get it done, gratefully, made the drive from Russellville back to Haven Hill east of Pea Ridge, where I ate dinner with Jim and company before heading over to the Walmart Neighborhood Market and calling it a night.
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
