2021-06-07 — This is My Perfect Migraine 🙃

Migraine today, much of the day. After doing a little reading, I’m wondering… could it be possible that all of my “edge” issues (meaning the symptoms I feel which include some or all of the following: exhaustion, unable to think, labored speech, headache, nausea, slap happiness , dry mouth/frequent urination [that last one only after I’m rehydrated] are actually fasting-induced migraines? I was reading through the stages of migraines, and it appears that migraines don’t always involve headache… if I’m understanding correctly, that is.

My experience of being on and over the edge has many parallels to migraines (as well as some differences).

I don’t know.

Soooo… could it just be fasting-induced migraines? Or is it something else, and one of the things the something else causes is migraines?

I’m not sure.

Anyway, migraine kept me home today. Well… I chose to stay home because I was really not doing well, and I wasn’t about to go out and work feeling like I was. I slept in. I was up for a little while, tried to eat but couldn’t eat much, and then I went back to bed, taking a good, long migraine nap.

Gratefully, my mom stopped off at the store and picked up some migraine medicine for me. I’ve never taken any before. I’ve just dealt with them. I was already starting to feel a bit better when I took a half a pill to start. And I felt pretty good 20 minutes or so later, so I don’t know if it had already run it’s course because I was heading that way already or if the medicine actually helped.

Hopefully, the medicine helped.

So it was an interesting day to have a migraine (with yesterday being so hard). Yesterday bled into today and will bleed into tomorrow, and perhaps longer than that. Yesterday was the initial sledge hammer blow, and right now it’s just sort of… waiting for the final hammer to fall. So today, instead of dealing with the hard hit, I’ve mostly been in a state of, aside from the migraine and nausea, etc., a state of just waiting for the things to run their course that haven’t reached their conclusion yet. Today it’s been facing the temptation to be anxious about when and how etc.

But… glory to God. This is all an amazing opportunity, and… I’m grateful for my opportunities to grow. May I learn quicker and quicker to look at the endless possibilities of my life, the endless opportunities to choose grow, to choose to lift, to choose to love.

They truly are endless. Every moment is packed with more opportunity than is possible for me to take advantage of.

It’s pretty amazing, honestly.

So there’s all that going on right now, and the things I’m facing right now really put into perspective what’s important to me in this life. They really help me see how important it is for me to leave working on cars and to get going on the things that will make my soul sing, to use my talents and passions where they’re best suited.

Lift the World. Love the world. Give my life to the world.

#1. I’m grateful for my mother. She’s such a wonderful, sweet, sensitive soul who is often misunderstood. She’s been there for me through thick and thin. And during the last six years of my life, there’s been a lot of thick. A lot of it. With this ongoing trial I face that is buried behind the scenes that I don’t publicize here for reasons of privacy for others, I’ve been in absolute gut-wrenching agony more times than I… let’s just say, many many many many times, and my mom has been there, again and again and again and again and again, and she is still there.

#2. I’m grateful for little things that can draw attention away from how much things hurt. We did a little experiment today, trying to find out our tick population on our trails and… let’s just say there are… many many many many. It was a short diversion, but it was nice to have things to take away from the main heavy stuff that’s there. It was harder today because being migrainey, it wasn’t as easy to go out and help someone else, which is such good medicine for working through the pains in one’s own life.

#3. I’m grateful that the migraine has gone. I’m feeling it want to come back right now, I think, so I might quickly eat something and take another half a pill and hope to head it off. We’ll see how that goes. But I’ve been grateful that the migraine went away, and that I’ve been functional much of the afternoon and all evening.

#4. I’m grateful that my customers seemed understanding with me not getting out today because of my migraine.

#5. I’m grateful for all of you, still reaching out to support. What an amazing ride this life is.

Daily Accountability:

The Positive

1. 14 days and counting. On the porn addiction front.
2. I’m continuing to choose to good things and not slip into anger or resentment against God.

The Needs Improvement

1. 11:41. Need I say more.
2. I’ve felt myself slipping a bit on doing pushups. I wasn’t feeling well today and didn’t want to do pushups for triggers. I can’t let anything get in the way. Too important.

Time for bed. It’s late. I started this at 9:30, and now it’s almost midnight. Lots going on. Life. It’s so good. It’s so hard.

Loves and hugs.

Lift the World.

~ stephen