Hey, y'all. It's 9 p.m., and I'm gonna get up at 5, come hell or high water. So... quick rundown of the day. Rough morning. Just... feeling numb, sort of existing. Struggling. Didn't go to church. Caught the tail end of it on Zoom. Spent some time outside feeling discouraged about how mother nature is … Continue reading 2021-04-11 — Come Hell or High Water

This little guy is tired. It's just shy of midnight. I didn't let myself spiral today. A little last night, but I've managed to not spiral today. So that's a good thing. I worked all day, like I've been doing. I'm mostly caught up from all the jobs that piled up. I probably still have … Continue reading 2021-04-10 — Ah… Sunday.

Relapsed. Rough days. Spiraling spiritually. Then this again. Didn't even really want it but did it anyway (relapse). Three cars today. Beautiful heavy thunderstorm. Will try again tomorrow. Goodnight, world. ~ stephen

Hi, folks. I've been... off today. Short fused in the morning. Then just... struggling... It's been that way from the get go this morning. On the bright side, I got up a 6:30 today, so I'm inching in the right direction. 7:30 yesterday (I think?). 6:30 today. Gonna try for 6:00 tomorrow morning... I'm hopeful. … Continue reading 2021-04-08 — Off

Meh? That's about how I feel about today. 🙃 It's been a very... not memorable day. Work was ok. Not bad, not great. There was an absolutely lovely massive downpour for a handful of minutes that I enjoyed thoroughly. Three cars today, 4 billable hours. Last car I did turned out to be really easy, … Continue reading 2021-04-07 — Meh?

I was successful! No spiral! Wahoo! 🥳 That's something. 😊 And I stopped working before dark today. 🙂 That's more... something. 🙃 I'm gonna make this quick, so I have a better chance of getting up earlier than I have been. I'll focus on the positive today. Gonna try and make a habit of that … Continue reading 2021-04-06 — NO Spiral, Thank You, Very Much.

Y'all saw it coming. What else is there to say. I make these commitments, and then somehow I'm weaker than I was or all hell combines to say, "No, we're gonna make sure you fail." And then it just... it's uncanny... I feel like I'm making progress. I feel like I'm getting somewhere, getting closer … Continue reading 2021-04-05 — Road to Relapse

My... I don't even know what to call it... my perspective? My understanding? My... view? Whatever the most accurate phrase be of how this world and the universe works has been coalescing in recent days. I find myself more and more settling in my mind an understanding of "things as they really are." Granted, it … Continue reading 2021-04-04 — Choices

Well, I didn't think I was going to be able to, but I just about took the day off today, and it felt great! Busiest day of the week, and I took it almost completely off. 🥳 I did one job, which turned out to be a lot easier than expected. It took just over … Continue reading 2021-04-03 — A Breather

I was gonna take tomorrow off. The busiest day of the week, and I was gonna take it off. I was proud of myself. But... sike? (apparently) I sabotaged my day off by saying yes too many times today, which ended up bumping two jobs to tomorrow because I'd promised them I'd get them taken … Continue reading 2021-04-02 — Sike